69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
