i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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