he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
