Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Panties = found
I love you.
Bad choice
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
