Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
