Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
