My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
