so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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