she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
