my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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