Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
