My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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