Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
