Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
