We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
