She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
