He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize