loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
