Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
