I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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