weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
