So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
