you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
