he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize