this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
