I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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