NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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