Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
