They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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