Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
