Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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