All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
