i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
