i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
