she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
