Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So vagazzling was a success
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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