Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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