I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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