So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
