he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
