Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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