he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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