I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
