Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
