I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
