maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
