Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize