He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
His nipple licking is glorious
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