remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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