...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
