this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
