No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
