So drunk its hurt
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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