The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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