would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
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