So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
