A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Pants 0. Shit 1.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
