either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize