It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
