she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
