Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
