I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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