My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Randomize
