Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
