Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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