You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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