God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
