3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
