When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What drink are we having for lunch?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
