Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
