I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
