If that was your dad, he is hot
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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