textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
