Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
It's never too late to be topless.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
