if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
