i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
