Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
