Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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