i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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