i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
