Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
