i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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